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Growth in Your Soul ~ by R. Kay Hocking, D.C.H., Ph.D.

As we move through life, again and again and again, our experiences, both good and bad, create the learnings of our souls. In times of suffering and loss, we grieve. Grief is a natural and appropriate human response. Any loss, whether it is the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, or your dream, impacts you at the core of your very being. Grief is held, at a cellular level, in our bodies and our subconscious minds. What I know about grief is this, if you don’t go through it, you don’t get through it.

If, however, you go through grief and get through it, you are transformed to a new level of awareness. I believe that is growth in your soul. Is forgiveness involved? It certainly is. Forgiveness is complex but it is the single thing that sets you free from your anger, resentment and pain at the subconscious level.

On October 17, 2000, I was just finishing dinner with my husband at a nearby restaurant. As we drove home, I received a call from a detective in Miami. He was calling to let me know that my son, Jason, had been murdered in his home. It was a call of devastation. Life as I knew it was over. I wasn’t at all sure where life’s journey would take me next. I wasn’t sure where to begin the process of my loss.

The grieving process is often one that you need professional guidance to get through, especially if PTSD (a construct of stress that has few equals) is diagnosed. Traumatic grief is a fitting term, as it represents a complicated side of loss. But all grief is painful. There are many forms of therapy that can be helpful in the traditional and non-traditional therapies. In many cases, there can be physical and emotional symptoms of insomnia, fatigue, anxiety attacks, depression, and deep anger and resentment. Relationships around you can be confusing as you go through the process. The first step is coping (what will I do now?). Then realization comes to the forefront (the full impact hits you). Next you experience immobilization (a stage of emotional paralysis). And then you come to acceptance (a phase where the emotional pain is reduced). The final step is letting go (this is the stage of forgiveness).

Is forgiveness difficult? It absolutely is. Is it rewarding? Within forgiveness, you will find the growth of your soul. It is important to note, in forgiveness, you are not forgiving acts of violent crimes against you or others. That is up to the God. You are simply releasing the impact the event has on you and your life. Forgiveness is in the heart of the forgiver. Those people you allow to float in and out of your head at a subconscious level with negative thoughts daily, weekly, monthly, are living in your head. They are not paying rent, therefore they should be leaving. Releasing them and the impact they have over you, empowers you to experience growth in your life. Forgiveness is really about you. It is about releasing those emotions of anger, guilt, and sadness. Releasing those emotions can allow you to move forward into the future with the insight that you are born again. You can have a new life. You can honor your loss with a life that matters. You deserve a life of love, joy, and happiness. At a subconscious level, you have access to infinite riches within your reach.

Loss can give you insight and knowledge. Release of the pain, guilt, and blockage in our lives, relating to our loss, can be like a cold ice glacier melting into warmth, love, and a healthy, loving remembrance to those people and dreams that we’ve lost. For within our loss, emerges a special learning of our souls. Move past your sorrow, give yourself hope and dreams for tomorrow. Forgive and live. It is a great feeling. Allow yourself to be born again and again and again. You have the power of choice.

In loving memory of Jason John McGee